my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
