If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
