i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize