it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
