his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
