Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
