It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
