Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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