I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
