dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
