Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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