They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
