I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
