Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
