This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
