Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
