I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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