is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
