Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
