This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
