I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
