youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
