Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
