He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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