So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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