after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
