just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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