I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
