Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
