don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
