the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
