Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He shit in the fireplace
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
