is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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