i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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