dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
