Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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