Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
