It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
