you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
