dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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