I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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