Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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