The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
