Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
