I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
