I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
4 words: hood of his car
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
