if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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