I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
