if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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