i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
