no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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