I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
