whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
