we're chasing vodka with high fives
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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