hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
