You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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