i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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