remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
