Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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