you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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