GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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