You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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