Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
