On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
