And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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