I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am midnight drunk by noon
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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