I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
