I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
