Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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