My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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