At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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