seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
