yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
