I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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