My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
