You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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