We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
