I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think I just sharted jello shots
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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