Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
and she was petting her beer can
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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