After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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