she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
