am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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